Sunday, April 29, 2012

The Seed

You see, there is no real way of knowing what the water is going to feel like until you jump in.  It was after I plunged head first that I found I had dove straight into a hurricane.  What I thought was going to be rough seas quickly became a white squall that took no prisoners.  I truly have respect for those who survived this weekend.  And I have even more respect for those who came out on top.  Do I fear them. No.  Do I want to throw down head-to-head right now.  Hell yeah.  I will continue to be the athlete who tries over and over to kick the door in, and I will not stop until that sucker is ripped from the hinges.

Thinking back on the weekend, I can look at it two ways: 1. this sport is stupid, it destroys your body, and I have no business being here, or 2. I have been exposed.  The weaknesses that I worked on in the offseason were not tested.  And moreover, the weaknesses that I didn't work on, got tested...over....and over......and OVER again.  I like the second option.  It is time to get back to the drawing board and make things right.

I have already begun to plan for next year.  First, I must get back to full health.  This was forced upon me last June when I had double ankle surgery, but now I am in control of getting my joints, gut, and mind healthy.  Next on my list is posterior chain strengthening.  I am sick and tired of getting crushed by lower body pulling.  I am sick and tired of having my back seize up when I do high rep deadlifts.  I have to train this weakness.  I cannot be afraid to fail in training.  And if I do, I know I am not meant for this sport.  Lastly,  I need to improve my CP endurance.  Even if you lack absolute strength, you can still excel in this sport.  I have to be able to get back on the weight over and over again.

I said at the end of last year that I was committing to this sport for 4 years. This was only my sophomore season and I have improved tremendously in my first two years.  In this sport, you cannot judge your success by the results in competition since there are just too many variables.  I have to have faith in the process.  I have to continue what I have been doing: learn from your mistakes, try to have fun when possible, don't obsess over things you cannot control, and most of all keep my swagger on full and do things my way.

This weekend I set out to find how far I was willing to go to achieve my goal.  After dislocating my thumb, having my back seize up, giving everything I had for all 5 workouts with a big ol' smile, I know that my goal will be attained.  Plant a seed.  Water the seed.  Give it sunlight.  Stare at the seed. Sing to the seed.  Give the seed food.  Water the seed.  Curse the seed.  Apologize to the seed.  We try to control all variables, but there is one variable that we cannot control and are too stubborn to admit it: TIME.........  You have to remind yourself, the seed just takes time to grow.

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